gi et sitat-forslag!
"I wish I had my distortion pedal!!" Billy Corgan (Smashing Pumpkins), MTV Unplugged
"Beer, now there's a temporary solution!" Homer, the Simpsons
"Shut up brain, or I'll stab you with a q-tip!" Homer, the Simpsons
"Brain, you don't like me, and I don't like you, so let's get this over with so I can get back to slowly killing you with beer.

Homer Simpson, the Simpsons
"Hello, Grandma. If that is in fact your real name." Phoebe, Friends
"Anyone got a length of rope, about 6 feet long, with a noose at the end? " Chandler, Friends
"Texas? Shit, boy, only steers and queers come from Texas, and you don't have horns, so I guess that kinda rounds it down -DO YOU SUCK DICK!?" Sersjanten, Full Metal Jacket
"Five long years, he wore this watch up his ass. Then when he died of dysentery, he gave me the watch. I hid this uncomfortable chunk of metal up my ass for two years." Christopher Walken, som krigsveteranen i Pulp Fiction
"I remember it made a lot of sense at the time." Bono, om ideen om å ta med et supermarked på turnè
"This is great, isn't it? We travel the world, don't have to shoot people, get to play rock'n'roll, and we get paid for it." Bono, U2
"Bono, if you still haven't found what you're looking for, look behind the drum kit" Boy George, Beskjed til Bono i U2
"Sleep, that's where I'm a Viking!" Ralph, the Simpsons
"Just because I don't care, doesn't mean I don't understand." Homer, the Simpsons
"Quiet, honey, you don't know how big this government is! It goes all the way to the president" Homer, til Marge
"Good rice, Good curry, Good Ghandi, let's hurry." Api, inderen i the Simpsons, når han ber for maten.
"To alcohol! The cause of - and solution to - ALL of life's problems!" Homer, the Simpsons
"I took the speed reading course and read 'War and Peace' in twenty minutes. It's about Russia." Woody Allen, amerikansk komiker
"Det skulle ikke forundre meg om Terje forsvant ut i verdensrommet." Vanja, Da hun fikk vite at Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy var Terje sin bok
"I didn't spend 6 years in evil medical school to be called Mr. thank you very much " Dr Evil, Austin Powers
"So many assholes, so few bullets" Ford Fairlane, Ford Fairlane, the rock`n'roll detective
"This job would be great if it wasn't for the fucking customers" Randal, i filmen Clerks
"Jesus H Christ on a popsicle stick!" Fletch, i filmen Fletch
"As long as there's, you know, sex and drugs, I can do without the rock and roll. " Mick, i filmen This is Spinal Tap
"As the name suggests, we play music which is good." Radio Good, webradio,
"You tried your best, and failed, miserably. The lesson is: never try." Homer, the Simpsons
"Dear God. The gods have been god to me." Homer, the Simpsons
"Heyyy Kids! Today we're going to talk about Krusty's expensive new suit. His sexual harrasment suit!" Krusty the Clown, the Simpsons
"Hmm! Most people I know refer to me as "controller".

Oh, wait a minute! It's actually, "controlling bastard", so I guess they're
saying it correctly.

Bob, I en newsgruppe-diskusjon om hvorvidt det heter "controller" eller "comptroller".
"Oh, wait a minute! Actually, a woman is more like a beer. They smell good, they look good, [-] But you can't stop at one. You wanna drink another woman!" Homer, the Simpsons
"Homer: "Oh man! This is the most exciting thing I've seen since Halley's comet collided with the moon."

Lisa: "That never happened, Dad."

Homer: "Sure it didn't."

Lisa og Homer, the Simpsons
"> Buy a VCR

That won't work at all. DVDs don't fit in the slot for tapes. I mean, yeah,
you can shove it in there, but then it just flops around. It's too loose.

Wavking, i en newsgruppe-diskusjon
"Jævla fucking helt ÅKEJ!" Gitaristen i Mayhem, på Bylarm 2002
"Your face, your ass - what's the difference?" Ford Fairlane, i filmen med samme navn
"Han har jo Nord-Europas største samling av hytteost hjemme." Robert, i sitt slemme hjørne
"Meningsmåling og meningsmåling- ingen har da spurt meg." Espen , i diskusjon.
"Remember that time on the frozen lake? You said I was boring and then you took off your energy mask and you were Cameron Diaz!...Ok, there's a CHANCE that this may have been a dream" Phoebe, Friends
"I've had to cut down on some luxuries, like, uh, paying for stuff." Joey, Friends
"I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.
Rodney Dangerfield, komiker
"You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is." " Ellen DeGeners, amerikansk komiker
"The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with." Marty Feldman, komiker
"Work is the curse of the drinking classes." Oscar Wilde, engelsk dandy
"I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch." Woody Allen, amerikansk komiker
"He's not the Messiah. He's a very naughty boy!" ?, Life of Brian
"You have to stop the Q-tip when there is resistance" Chandler, Friends
"I'm not normally a praying man, but if you're up there, save me, Superman!" Homer, the Simpsons
"Mrs. Krabappel, in figuring out my final grades, I hope you'll note that all of my textbooks are being returned in excellent condition. In some cases, still in their original wrappings!" Bart Simpson, Kamp Krusty-episoden
"How can you say anything bad about TV, Marge? It gives so much and asks so little." Homer, the Simpsons
"Will you look at those morons! I paid my taxes over a year ago!" Homer, the Simpsons
"Skal vedde på at det var vanskelig å sjekke opp damer under Svartedauen dersom du var smittet og hadde masse byller på kroppen" Egil Svartdahl, TV2-pastor
"Å presse moralen vår på dyr er ikke bare hoppeløst
men også domt det eneste dyret som kan karikiseres som ond er menneksket
Globus2, om onde dyr
"I thought I'd begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine" SPIKE MILLIGAN, komiker
"Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches" Jim Carrey, amerikansk skuespiller
"When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself." Peter O'Toole, null
"Television has brought back murder into the home -- where it belongs." " Alfred Hitchcock, død amerikaner med mord-fetisj
"Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives" Sue Murphy, null
"You can get much further with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone" Al Capone, mafiasjef
"Otto plays the guitar in the garage.

Homer: Will you knock it off, I can't hear myself think!
[the music stops]
Brain: I want some peanuts.
Homer: That's better!

Homer, the Simpsons
"Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff" Steven Wright, null
"You cannot have everything. I mean, where would you put it?" Steven Wright, null
"I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets" Dave Edison, null
"Det skal være noen dumheter i en bok, for at også de dumme skal synes den er klok" Piet Hein, dansk gruker
"For a moment, nothing happened. Then, after a second or so, nothing continued to happen." Douglas Adams, engelsk humorist og science fiction-forfatter
"I don't believe it. Prove it to me and I still won't believe it." Douglas Adams, engelsk haiker
"I can do anything you want me to do so long as I don't have to speak" Linda Evangelista, modell
"As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday and employees will receive their cards in two weeks." Fred Dales, Microsoft, Redmon
"This project is so important, we can't let things that are more important interfere with it." Reklamesjefen, UPS
"No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been working on it for months. Now, go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let you know when it's time to tell them." nn, 3M
"He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree" Jack Bross, Chevy Chase
"I got some bad news today. You know the money you get from those ATM machines? All that money comes from your account!" Sharon Grubb, om minibanker
"In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move" Douglas Adams, i Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy
"It is a mistake to think you can solve any major problems just with potatoes" Douglas Adams, forfatter
"(...)det er en skam for en mann å ha langt hår." Gud, 1. Kor. 11:14
"I could never kill somebody. Not unless they pissed me off." Cartman, South Park
"Jeg skjønner det ikke! Du lever èn gang, og så blir du parkeringsvakt?" hroar, Sterke meninger, Dagbladet
"I demand to have some booze!" Witnail, i filmen "Witnail And I"
"All those that believe in psycho-kinesis, raise my right hand." x, x
"Helt sant. Jeg har lest det i en rapport jeg har skrevet sjøl." Harald Eia, Lille-lørdag, i en sketsj der to nynazister prater stygt om innvandrere.
"Situasjonen er strålende. De vil prøve å komme til Bagdad. Jeg tror deres graver vil være her. " iraks informasjonsminister, under beleiringen av bagdad
"Jeg kan si - og jeg er ansvarlig for hva jeg sier - de vantro har nå begynt å begå selvmord i hundretall utenfor portene til Bagdad. Vi oppfordrer dem til å fortsette med det. " iraks informasjonsminister, under beleiringen av bagdad
"De er ikke i nærheten av flyplassen, de har gått seg vill i ørkenen. De kan ikke lese et kompass. De er tilbakestående. " iraks informasjonsminister, om amerikanerne
"Jeg informerer deg herved om at du er for langt vekke fra virkeligheten" iraks smågale informasjonsminister, nektet på at det var amerikanere i bagdad
"Åååh han kan skyte også, han kan skyte ballen inn i mål" tv2-kommentatoren, om Tor Hogne Aarø, i kampen mellom ålesund og vålerenga 2.påskedag
"Bush er en sinnsyk liten dverg. En kriminell som leder en internasjonal gjeng av kriminelle bastarder. " iraks informasjonsminister al-Sahafs, om den amerikanske presidenten
" >det er humleår i Trondheim.. Og jaggu er de svære..
Humlene dine kan umulig være større enn humlene her på vestlandet. Her er
humlene store som spurver.. vent litt, skal se etter en gang til..unnskyld, det _var_ spurver...Sorry
Reidar hagen, i en news-debatt
"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch" JACK NICKOLSON, AM. SKUESPILLER
"My only complaint about having a father in fashion is that every time I'm about to go to bed with a guy I have to look at my dad's name all over his underwear." Marci Klein, ..
"Arbeidere i alle land, foren dere. Dere har ingenting å tape annet enn deres lenker." Karl Marx, Tysk sosialist
"Catch a man a fish, and you can sell it to him. Teach a man to fish, and you ruin a wonderful business opportunity" Karl Marx, i det kapitalistiske hjørnet
"Før var det ulovelig å ta sitt eget liv.Folk som tok sitt eget liv ble sperret inne på sinnsykehus og ble tatt i fra tatt retten til å stemme eller i hele tatt å bestemme over sitt eget liv. " en fyr, på internett
"Å presse våre moraler på dyr er ikke bare hopeløst men også direkte domt. Det ennest dyret som kan difineres som ondt er mennesket." Globus 2, Dyrenes rike.
"Naturen er full av mysterier. Hvorfor krymper ikke sauer når det regner?" Hans Chr. Alsvik, ?
"Sure I love Liam - but not as much as I love Pot Noodles" Noel Gallagher i Oasis, Om sin bror
"Appy-polly-loggies. I had something of a pain in my gulliver so I had to sleep. I was not awakened when I gave orders for awakening." Alex, Clockwork Orange
"Appy-polly-loggies. I had something of a pain in my gulliver so I had to sleep. I was not awakened when I gave orders for awakening." Alex, Clockwork Orange, forklarer vergen sin hvorfor han ikke er på skolen
"Mot i brystet, vett i pannen, stål i ben og armer, ryggen rak og blikket fritt, se det er bra. Tåle slit og tåle ludd og tåle frost og varme, slike gutter det vil gamle Norge ha." Mot i brystet, norsk sang
"Ok. That does it! Now listen! Why is it that everything today has involved things either going into or coming out of my ass?!" Cartman, South Park
"If some girl tried to kick my ass, I'd be like, HEY! Why don't you stop dressing me up like a mailman while you go and smoke crack in your bedroom and have sex with some guy I don't even know on my dad's bed!" Cartman, South Park
"Cartman, you're such a fat ass, that when you walk down the street, people go, Goddammit! That's a big fat ass!" Kyle, South Park
"You need to hold the baby by the legs, not the head! What kind of sick weirdo are you?!" Mr Garrison, South Park
"There are no stupid questions, just stupid people." Mr Garrison, South Park
"Right now, you're nuttier than Chinese Chicken salad, okay? I mean, you're one screwed up little kid, do you understand?" Mr Mackey, South Park
"Who the fook iz thaht? Ah've neva' even 'eard ov 'im! Iz 'e in Blur? He'z nawt in Oasis zo he maust be a wanker. Fook him.
Noel Gallagher, Spite E-Zine, reaksjon på at Brian sluttet i Blur
"Life is great, but the hours are hell" Gregory G. Parrish, ?
"Just because you are paranoid doesn't mean they're not after you." Kurt Cobain, Nirvana
"I would never let a woman kick my ass. If she tried something, I'd be like, HEY! You get your bitch ass back in the kitchen and make me some pie!" Cartman, South Park
"Only those who do nothing do not make mistakes" ajzchips,
"If you would be singing like this two thousand years ago, people would have stoned you. " Simon Cowell, dommer i American Idol
"When you're as great as I am, it's hard to be humble.
Muhammad Ali, Amerikansk bokser
"Well, I'm tired of being a wannabe league bowler. I wanna be a league bowler! " Homer Simpson, !
"I hope I didn't brain my damage" Homer Simpson, amerikansk helt
"Your mother seems really upset about something. I better go have a talk with her -- during the commercial." Homer Simpson, null
"Trying is the first step towards failure" Homer Simpson, null
"Internet! Is that thing still around?" Homer Simpson, null
"Rock stars ... is there anything they don't know?" Homer Simpson, null
"'Single and Sassy' - Homer's bumper sticker." Homer Simpson, null
"Internet! Is that thing still around?" Homer Simpson, null
"Å diskutere på internett er som å delta i
Paralympics. Selv om du vinner er du fortsatt mongo
NN, null
"If I'm not back in five minutes ... just wait
Ace Ventura, null
"Everything I touch turns to poo" Spine, Webmasterworld (diskusjonsforum)
"Unngå meningsløse provokasjoner som å gi andre supportere finger´n osv. Hetsing må ha et snev av saklighet og ta utgangspunkt i hva folk selv har valgt å være eller gjøre. " Stormen, Ålesund Fotballklubbs supporterklubb
"Jeg håper de ikke har tenkt å ha meg til å holde Casino hver kveld" Halvard Flatland, Eks-TV-kjendis, ettertraktet som fange av flere norske fengselsdirektører etter at det ble kjent at han må sone 80 dager i fengsel pga svindel
"Jeg aksepterer det ikke. Det norske samfunnet er litt sånn «Er det ikke greit nok da?». Det er det ikke. Det er ikke greit nok med dårlig kaffe." Herman Friele, Portrettintervju i Dagbladet
"Having been f*cked is no excuse for being f*cked up" Kimya Dawson, Fra albumet "Hidden Vagenda"
"trenger penger til hest nå" ukjent, søk i Kvasir
"A problem shared is a problem halved, so is your problem really yours or just half of someone else's?" David Brent, TV-serien The Office
"I would dance on NBC and say George Bush shook hands with me. Then I’d go choke on a cock" Adam Green, fra albumet "Gemstones"
"Free hugs for everyone because i fuckin' love you!" Kimya Dawson, null
"Come with uncle and hear all proper! Hear angels' trumpets and devils' trombones.
You are invited!
Alex, Clockwork Orange
""Brumm", sa Sprett vennlig,
- Du har ikke mye forstand.
- Nei, jeg vet det, sa Brumm beskjedent.
Petter Sprett til Ole Brumm, null
"Man ikke skal styre klemmen i en radikal retning med mindre man har innledet den.
VOKT-arbeider Ruben, Konklusjon i en diskusjon med Cathrine om klemming.
"Why are you wearing that stupid bunny suit?
Donnie Darko, Donnie til sin fantasi-venn
"Don't get uptight with me man. Because if you do I'll have to give you a dose
of medicine and if I spike you you'll know you've been spoken to.
Danny, i filmen Withnail and I
"Homer: I'm no supervising technician, I'm a technical supervisor." Homer Simpson, null
"Homer: Beer. Now there'sa temporary solution." Homer Simpson, null
"Homer: You can't depend on me all your life. You have to learn that there's a little Homer Simpson in all of us." Homer Simpson, null
"Homer: When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!" Homer Simpson, null
"Homer: Now, remember! As far as anyone knows, we're a nice, normal family." Homer Simpson, null
"Homer: The code of the schoolyard, Marge! The rules that teach a boy to be a man. Let's see. Don't tattle. Always make fun of those different from you. Never say anything, unless you're sure everyone feels exactly the same way you do. What else..." Homer Simpson, null
"Homer: And there's nothing wrong with hitting someone when his back is turned." Homer Simpson, null
"Marge: Lisa, Bart, whatdid you two learn in Sunday School today?
Lisa: The answers to deep theological questions.
Bart: Yeah, among other things, apes can't get intoheaven.
Homer: What? Those cute little monkeys? That's terrible.Who told you that?
Bart: Our teacher.
***Homer: I can understand how they wouldn't let in thosewild jungle apes, but what about those really smart oneswho live among us? Who roller-skate and smoke cigars?
Homer Simpson, null
"Bart: I was wondering.H ow important is it to be popular?
Homer: I'm glad you asked, son. Being popular is the most important thing in the world!
Bart: Like, sometimes, you could do stuff that you think is pretty bad, so other kids will like you better?
Homer: You're not talking about killing anyone, are you?
Bart: No.
Homer: Are you!
Bart: No!
Homer: Then run along, you little scamp!
Homer Simpson, null
"Homer: Operator, give methe number for nine-one-one! " Homer Simpson, null
"Homer: And Lord, we areespecially thankful for nuclear power, the cleanest,safest energy source there is. Except for solar, which isjust a pipe dream. " Homer Simpson, null
"Homer: Because sometimesthe only way you can feel good about yourself is bymaking someone else look bad. And I'm tired of makingother people feel good about themselves!" Homer Simpson, null
"Homer: Hey Flanders, it's no use praying. I already did the same thing, and we can't both win.
Flanders: Actually, Simpson, we were praying that no one gets hurt.
Homer Simpson, null
" Homer: You heard me, I won't be in for the rest of the week. ... I told you! My baby beat me up! ... No, it is not the worst excuse I ever thought up. ..." Homer Simpson, null
"Homer: Ah, good ol'trustworthy beer. My love for you will never die." Homer Simpson, null
"Homer: I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life. Number 1: Cover for me. Number 2:Oh, good idea, Boss! Number 3: It was like that when I got here. " Homer Simpson, null
"Homer: Dear God, justgive me one channel! " Homer Simpson, null
"Barney: Hey, Homer, you're late for English!
Homer: Pffft, English. Who needs that. I'm never going to England.
Homer Simpson, null
"Marge: I thought weagreed to consult each other before any major purchases.
Homer: Well, you bought all those smoke alarms, and wehaven't had a single fire.
Marge: Mmm...
Homer Simpson, null
"Homer: Quiet you kids.If I hear one more word, Bart doesn't get to watchcartoons, and Lisa doesn't get to go to college." Homer Simpson, null
"Homer: Hey, just becauseI don't care doesn't mean I don't understand!" Homer Simpson, null
"Bart: I am through withworking. Working is for chumps.
Homer: Son, I'm proud of you. I was twice your age beforeI figured that out.
Homer Simpson, null
"Homer: Marge, Ican't wear a pink shirt to work. Everybody wears whiteshirts. I'm not popular enough to be different..." Homer Simpson, null
"***Homer: Oh, Marge,cartoons don't have any deep meaning. They're just stupiddrawings that give you a cheap laugh." Homer Simpson, null
"Marge: I'm not sure about the people Bart's working for. I think they're criminals.
Homer: A job's a job. I mean, take me. If my plant pollutes the water and poisons the town, by your logic, that would make me a criminal.
Homer Simpson, null
"Homer: Here's good news! According to this eye-catching article, SAT scores are declining at a slower rate!
Lisa: Dad, I think this paper is a flimsy hodgepodge of pie graphs, factoids and Larry King.
Homer: Hey, this is the only paper in America that's not afraid to tell the truth, that everything is just fine.
Homer Simpson, null
"Homer: Yeah, you know,boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You justhave to read the manual and press the right buttons." Homer Simpson, null
"Bart: Hey, how come Lisagets a pony?
Homer: Because she stopped loving me.
Bart: I don't love you either, so give me a moped.
Homer: Well, I know you love me, so you don't get squat.Hee hee hee.
Homer Simpson, null
"Lisa: It's not our faultour generation has short attention spans, Dad. We watchan appalling amount of TV.
Homer: Don't you ever, EVER talk that way abouttelevision.
Homer Simpson, null
"Homer: Your mother has this crazy idea that gambling is wrong. Even though they say it's okay in the bible.
Lisa: Really? Where?
Homer: Uh... Somewhere in the back.
Homer Simpson, null
"Homer: No matter how good you are at something, there's always about a million people better than you." Homer Simpson, null
"Homer: Well, he's got all the money in the world, but there's one thing he can't buy.
Marge: What's that?
Homer: [thinks] A dinosaur!
Homer Simpson, null
"Homer: I can't fake an interest in this, and I'm an expert at faking an interest in your kooky projects.
Marge: What kooky projects?
Homer: You know, the painting class, the first aid course, the whole Lamaze thing.
Homer Simpson, null
"***Homer: Marge, ittakes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen. " Homer Simpson, null
"Homer: I hate all the programs Marge likes, but it's no big deal. You know why?
Selma: No.
Sideshow Bob: Go on.
Homer: Whenever Marge turns on one of her "non-violent" programs, I take a walk. I go to a bar, I pound a few, then I stumble home in the mood for looooove. [puts his hand on Marge's lap]
Marge: [smiles, takes his hand]
Homer Simpson, null
"Homer: If something'shard to do, then it's not worth doing!" Homer Simpson, null
"Homer: Marge, where'sthat... metal deely... you use to... dig... food...
Marge: You mean, a spoon?
Homer: Yeah, yeah!
Homer Simpson, null
"Marge: This chair is $2000! We could buy a whole living room set for that.
Homer: Marge, there's an empty spot I've always had inside me. I tried to fill it with family, religion,community service, but those were dead ends! I think this chair is the answer.
Homer Simpson, null
"Homer: Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers." Homer Simpson, null
"Marge: Homer, pleasedon't make me choose between my man and my God, becauseyou just can't win.
***Homer: There you go again, always taking someoneelse's side. Flanders, the water department, God...
Homer Simpson, null
"God: Thou hast forsakenMy Church!
Homer: Uh, kind-of... b-but...
God: But what!
Homer: I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love mykids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing abouthow I'm going to Hell?
God: [pause] Hmm... You've got a point there.
Homer Simpson, null
"Homer: [backpedaling] No! No-no-no-no-no no! [pause] Well, yes. " Homer Simpson, null
" ***Homer: When it comesto compliments, women are ravenous blood-sucking monstersalways want'n more... more... MORE! And if you give it tothem, you'll get plenty back in return.
Bart: Like what?
Homer: I'll tell you when you're older.
Homer Simpson, null
"Homer: You know, when Iwas a boy, I really wanted a catcher's mitt, but my dadwouldn't get it for me. So I held my breath until Ipassed out and banged my head on the coffee table.[cheerily] The doctor thought I might have brain damage.
Bart: Dad, what's the point of this story?
Homer: I like stories.
Homer Simpson, null
"Homer: If something goes wrong at the plant, blame the guy who can't speak English." Homer Simpson, null
"Marge: I came to see you three times today. Twice you were sleeping, and once you were kicking that ball of electrical tape around!
Homer: Well! I won't sleep in the same bed with a woman who thinks I'm lazy. I'm going to go right downstairs, unfold the couch, unroll the sleeping ba... [gets into bed] Eh, good-night.
Homer Simpson, null
"Homer: Son, a woman is a lot like a... a refrigerator! They're about six feet tall, 300 pounds. They make ice, and... um... [spots his can of Duff] Oh, wait a minute. Actually, a woman is more like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you'd step over your own mother just to get one! [downs the beer]But you can't stop at one. You wanna drink another woman!" Homer Simpson, null
"Homer: Well, I really should discuss this with my wife.
Salesman: [scoffs] Your wife? [cracks an imaginary whip]
Homer: What, you think I'm going to buy a $20,000 truck just because you make that noise?
Salesman: [does it again] [and again] [and again]
Homer: [on his knees] I'll take it!
Homer Simpson, null
"Homer: If you're going to get mad at me every time I do something stupid, then I guess I'll just have to stop doing stupid things!
Marge: Good!
Homer Simpson, null
"Homer: It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day." Homer Simpson, null
"The sooner kids talk, the sooner they talk back. I hope you never say a word. " Homer Simpson, null
"Homer: Kids, kids. I'mnot going to die. That only happens to bad people." Homer Simpson, null
"Homer: Don't worry,Marge. America's health care system is second only toJapan, Canada, Sweden, Great Britain, well, all ofEurope, but you can thank your lucky stars we don't livein Paraguay!" Homer Simpson, null
"Homer: there anything they CAN'T do?" Homer Simpson, null
"Lisa: What do you say to a boy to let him know you're not interested?
Marge: Well, honey, when I...
Homer: Let me handle this, Marge, I've heard 'em all."I like you as a friend." "I think we should see other people." "I don't speak English." "I'm married to the sea.""I don't wanna kill you, but I will." ... Six simple words: I'm not gay, but I'll learn.
Homer Simpson, null
"Lisa: Dad, is it allright to take things from people you don't like?
Homer: Sure it is, honey. You _do_ mean stealing, don'tyou?
Homer Simpson, null
"Homer: All right brain,you don't like me, and I don't like you. But let's justget me through this, and I can get back to killing youwith beer.
Homer's brain: It's a deal!
Homer Simpson, null
"Homer: Marge, I'm goingto miss you so much. And it's not just the sex. It's alsothe food preparation." Homer Simpson, null
"Bart: Dad, thanks to television, I can't remember what happened eight minutes ago. [Everyone laughs uproariously except Bart] No,really, I can't! It's a serious problem. [Everyone laughs again, and Bart finally relents and laughs too] What are we all laughing about?
Homer: [joyously] Who cares? Anyways...
Homer Simpson, null
"Marge: Homer, you're going to be famous!
Homer: Yeah, but I'm not gonna let it change our lives.I'll be the same loving father I've always been.
Marge: Hmm, have you seen Bart?: Ehh, I stuck him somewhere.
Homer Simpson, null
"Homer: Woo-hoo! I'm a college man! I won't need my high school diploma any more! [sets fire to it and starts singing] I am so smart! I am so smart! I am so smart! I am so smart! S-M-R-T! I mean, S-M-A-R-T..." Homer Simpson, null
"Homer: Oh, Lisa, you and your stories. "Bart is a vampire." "Beer kills brain cells." Now let's go back to that...building...thingy, where our beds and" Homer Simpson, null
"Homer: Heh, heh. Lisa,vampires are make-believe, just like elves, gremlins, andeskimos." Homer Simpson, null
"Homer: Kill my boss? DoI dare to live out the American dream? " Homer Simpson, null
"[Homer searches under the couch for a peanut]
Homer: Hmm...ow, pointy! Eww, slimy. Oh, moving! Ah-ha! Oh, twenty dollars...I wanted a peanut!
Homer's brain: Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts!
Homer: Explain how.
Homer's brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services.
Homer Simpson, null
"Homer: Huh -- wha --Lisa! What's up?
Lisa: I just had a bad dream!
Homer: Oh, sure. You just lie down and tell me all aboutit.
Lisa: Well, I know it's absurd, but I dreamed thebogeyman was after me, and he's hiding under --
Homer: Aah! Bogeyman! You nail the windows shut, I'll getthe gun! [Homer runs into Bart's room]
Homer: Bart, I don't want to alarm you, but there may bea bogeyman or bogeymen in the house!
Bart: Ahhhhhhh!
Homer Simpson, null
"***Homer: Aw, people cancome up with statistics to prove anything, Kent. 14percent of all people know that. " Homer Simpson, null
"Homer: Aw, Dad. You've done a lot of great things, but you're a very old man now, and old people are useless." Homer Simpson, null
" Lisa: It's awful being akid. No one listens to you.
Abe: It's rotten being old. No one listens to you.
Homer: I'm a white male, age 18 to 49. Everyone listensto me -- no matter how dumb my suggestions are.
Homer Simpson, null
"Homer: Ah, TV respectsme. It laughs _with_ me, not at me! " Homer Simpson, null
"Marge: I want you to throw away these old calendars and TV Guides.
Homer: Are you mad, woman? You never know when an old calendar might come in handy. Sure, it's not 1985 now, but who knows what tomorrow will bring? And these TVGuides: so many memories.
Homer Simpson, null
"Homer: Bart! With$10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds ofuseful things!" Homer Simpson, null
"Homer: Marge, I agree with you -- in theory. In theory, communism works. In theory. " Homer Simpson, null
"Homer: Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get." Homer Simpson, null
"Homer: Kids, you tried your best, and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try. Heh heh heh -- right in the butt. That was great." Homer Simpson, null
"Homer: In America, firstyou get the sugar, then you get the power, then you getthe women... " Homer Simpson, null
"Marge: It's not like yougo to museums or read books or anything.
***Homer: You think I don't want to? It's those TVnetworks, Marge: they won't let me. One quality showafter another, each one fresher and more brilliant thanthe last. If they only stumbled once, just gave us thirtyminutes to ourselves, but they won't! They won't let melive!
Homer Simpson, null
"Marge: You could take an adult education course.
Homer: Oh, and how is "education" supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home wine-making course and If orgot how to drive?
Homer Simpson, null
"Homer: Marge, please, old people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use." Homer Simpson, null
"Homer: Television!Teacher, mother, secret lover. " Homer Simpson, null
"Homer: Lisa, if theBible has taught us nothing else -- and it hasn't -- it'sthat girls should stick to girls' sports, such as hot-oilwrestling, foxy boxing, and such-and-such." Homer Simpson, null
"Lisa: Sorry, Dad, we_do_ believe in you, we really do.
Bart: It's just hard not to listen to TV: it's spent somuch more time raising us than you have.
Homer: Oh, maybe TV _is_ right. TV's _always_ right!
Homer Simpson, null
"Lisa: Dad, I don'tunderstand. What is she saying you did?
Homer: Well, Lisa, remember that postcard Grampa sent usfrom Florida of that alligator biting that woman'sbottom?
Bart: Oh, yeah, _that_ was _brilliant_!
Homer: That's right, we _all_ thought it was hilarious.But it turns out we were wrong: that alligator wassexually harassing that woman.
Homer Simpson, null
"***Homer: Come on, Marge, I want to shake off the dust of this one-horse town. I want to explore the world. I want to watch TV in a different time zone. I want to visit strange, exotic malls. I'm sick of eating hoagies. I want a grinder, a sub, a foot-long hero...I want to _live_, Marge! Won't you let me _live_? Won't you please?!" Homer Simpson, null
"Homer: I've alwayswondered if there was a god. And now I know there is --and it's me." Homer Simpson, null
"Homer: So here's the deal: you freeze everything as it is, and I won't ask for anything more. If that is OK, please give me absolutely no sign. [brief pause] OK, deal. In gratitude, I present you this offering of cookies and milk. If you want me to eat them for you, please give me no sign. [brief pause]Thy will be done! [mows down]" Homer Simpson, null
"Homer: The information superhighway showed the average person what some nerd thinks about Star Trek. " Homer Simpson, null
"Homer: Uh, Lisa, thewhole reason we have elected officials is so we don't_have_ to think all the time. Just like that rainforestscare a few years back: our officials saw there was aproblem and they fixed it, didn't they?" Homer Simpson, null
"Marge: Homer's a very complicated man.
Homer: [smashing a plate over his head] WRONG!
Homer Simpson, null
"Marge: And try to be nice to my sisters. It's very hard on me to have you fighting all the time.
Homer: Oh, OK Marge, I'll get along with them. Then, I will hug some snakes...yes! Then, I will hug and kiss some poisonous snakes. Now _that's_ sarcasm.
Homer Simpson, null
"Marge: And Bart isn'tdoing very well either. He needs boundaries andstructure. There's something about flying a kite at nightthat's so unwholesome.
Bart: Hello, Mother dear.
Marge: That's it: we have to get them back to school.
Homer: I'm with you, Marge. Lisa! Get in here. In thishouse, we obey the laws of thermodynamics!
Homer Simpson, null
"Homer: Lisa, if youdon't like your job, you don't strike: you just go inevery day and do it really half assed. That's theAmerican way." Homer Simpson, null
"Homer: Kids, kids, kids.As far as Daddy's concerned, you're _both_ potentialmurderers." Homer Simpson, null
"Homer: Marge, you being a cop makes you the man...which makes me the woman. I have no interest in that, besides occasionally wearing the underwear, which, as we discussed, is strictly a comfort thing. " Homer Simpson, null
"Lisa: But he was the only person that had the same love for music that I do. Oh, Dad, why did he have to die?
Homer: Well, it's like the time that your cat Snowball got run over.
Lisa: Uh huh.
Homer: Remember, honey?
Lisa: Yeah.
Homer: What I'm saying is, all we have to do is go down to the pound and get a new jazzman.
Homer Simpson, null
"Homer: Forty seconds?But I want it now! " Homer Simpson, null
"Homer: Lisa honey, are you saying you're _never_ going to eat any animal again? What about bacon?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Ham?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Pork chops?
Lisa: Dad! Those all come from the same animal!
***Homer: Yeah, right Lisa. A wonderful, magical animal.
Homer Simpson, null
"Lisa: Dad! Can't you have some other type of party, one where you don't serve meat?
Homer: All normal people love meat. If I went to a barbeque and there was no meat, I would say 'Yo Goober!Where's the meat!?'. I'm trying to impress people here Lisa. You don't win friends with salad.
Homer Simpson, null
"Homer: [reading screen]"To Start Press Any Key". Where's the ANY key?I see Esk ["ESC"], Catarl ["CTRL"], and Pig-Up ["PGUP"]. There doesn't seem to be any ANY key. Woo! All this computer hacking is making me thirsty. I think I'll order a TAB. [presses TAB key]" Homer Simpson, null
"Homer: The slim lazy Homer you knew is dead. Now I'm a big fat dynamo! And where's that cake?" Homer Simpson, null
"Homer: Marge, I'm bored.
Marge: Why don't you read something?
Homer: Because I'm trying to _reduce_ my boredom.
Homer Simpson, null
"Bart: These uniforms suck!
Marge: Bart! Where do you pick up words like that?
Homer: [on phone] Yeah, Moe, that team sure did suck lastnight. They just plain sucked! I've seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked.
Marge: Homer! Watch your mouth!
Homer: Aw, I gotta go. My damn weiner kids are listening.[hangs up]
Homer Simpson, null
"Homer: Well, I'm tired of being a wannabe league bowler. I wanna be a league bowler!" Homer Simpson, null
"Homer: What's the pointof going out? We're just gonna wind up back here anyway." Homer Simpson, null
"Homer: I guess some people never change. Or, they quickly change and then quickly change back. " Homer Simpson, null
"Homer: Don't letKrusty's death get you down, boy. People die all thetime, just like that. Why, you could wake up deadtomorrow. Well, goodnight." Homer Simpson, null
"Lisa: Do you have any fruit?
Homer: [offers some of the donut he's eating] This has purple stuff inside. Purple is a fruit.
Homer Simpson, null
"Homer: Pftt... Rules.I'm a rocker, I don't care for rules." Homer Simpson, null
"Homer: Oh, Marge. I thought I had an appetite for destruction, but all I wanted was a club sandwitch. " Homer Simpson, null
"Homer: I hope I didn'tbrain my damage." Homer Simpson, null
"Homer: Well of course, everything looks bad if you remember it. " Homer Simpson, null
" Burns: I suggest you leave immediately.
Homer: Or what? You'll release the dogs, or the bees, or the dog with bees in their mouths, and when they bark,they shoot bees at you? Well, go ahead. Do your worst.
Homer Simpson, null
"Homer: Ooh, look at me!I'm making people happy! I'm the magical man fromHappyland, in a gumdrop house on Lollipop Lane! Oh, bythe way: I was being sarcastic." Homer Simpson, null
"Bart: Hey, Dad, can Ihave a sip of your beer?
Homer: Now, son, you don't want to drink beer. That's for daddies and kids with fake IDs.
Homer Simpson, null
"[Lisas saxophone has been rendered perfectly flat.]
Homer: Ew! Lisa, honey, if it'll make you feel better I'll destroy something Bart loves.
Homer Simpson, null
"Homer: Your mother seems really upset about something. I better go have a talk with her -- during the commercial. " Homer Simpson, null
"Marge: Night vision goggles? A bathroom scale from a soviet sub? A suede briefcase case? Anyone who needs this kind of status symbol must have some terrible emotional problems.
Homer: Marge, look! The world's best jacket. If I had this, it would show everybody! Show everybody!
Homer Simpson, null
"Homer: You can't keepblaming yourself. Just blame yourself once, and move on." Homer Simpson, null
"Marge: Homer, is thisthe way you pictured married life?
Homer: Yeah, pretty much. Except we drove around in a vansolving mysteries.
Homer Simpson, null
"Homer: Ohmygod Ohmygod Ohmygod! Oh my god! I danced with a gay! Marge, Lisa, promise me you won't tell anyone. [shaking Lisa] Promise me!!
Marge: You're being ridiculous.
Homer: Am I, Marge? Am I? Think of the property values. Now we can never say only straight people have been in this house.
Homer Simpson, null
"Homer: Well, at least I liked it. Didn't I?" Homer Simpson, null
"Homer: Oh, honey, you're not the world's worst mother. What about that freezer lady in Georgia?" Homer Simpson, null
"Homer: To alcohol! The cause of and solution to all of life's problems." Homer Simpson, null
"Lisa: [wiping her dress] Oh, I can't get the smell of slurry out of my clothes. I was a fool to help that horrible old man!
Homer: I hope you learned your lesson, Lisa. Never help anyone.
Homer Simpson, null
"Smithers: Simpson, what are you doing here? Why aren't you at work?
Homer: I made a bad mistake and Lenny sent me home to think about what I did. I don't remember what it was, so I'm watching TV.
Homer Simpson, null
"Marge: Homer, the Lord only asks for an hour a week.
Homer: Well in that case he should've made the week an hour longer. [mumbles] Lousy God.
Homer Simpson, null
"Homer: Well, it was a good ride while it lasted. Come on kids, let's go home.
Bart: We are home.
Homer: That was fast.
Homer Simpson, null
"Homer: I don't have to be careful. I got a gun." Homer Simpson, null
"Bart: Dad, I've got some bad news.
Homer: Oh, your mother's not pregnant, is she?
Homer Simpson, null
"Homer: Hello, son. I wanna apologise. I just got so caught up trying to encourage you I was blinded to your stinky performance. If you forgive me I promise I'll never encourage you again." Homer Simpson, null
"Homer: Facts are meaningless, you can use facts to prove anything that's remotely true!" Homer Simpson, null
"Lovejoy: Now, even Lisa Simpson, must agree that we have witnessed a miracle.
Lisa: Hardly. Anyone could have written that.
Homer: Oh angle, listen not to this child of Satan!
Homer Simpson, null
"Homer: Trying is the first step towards failure. " Homer Simpson, null
"Homer: My campaign is a disaster, Moe. I hate the public so much. If only they'd elect me, I'd make them pay." Homer Simpson, null
"Homer: If you really need money, you can sell your kidney or even your car. " Homer Simpson, null
"Homer: Good things does not end with "ium". They end with "mania" or "teria". " Homer Simpson, null
"Homer: [talking about his fatness] Marge, how could you let me let myself go like this. " Homer Simpson, null
"Bart: Dad, wake up. [Homer was sleeping at nuclear plant.]
Homer: I'm awake. I'm awake. I'm protected member of the team. You can't fire me, I quit! Please, I have a family.
Homer Simpson, null
"Homer: Stupid risks make life worth living. " Homer Simpson, null
"Marge: Well, maybe our next anniversary will be more romantic. Aww, look, Homey, our wedding cake!
Homer: You mean there's been cake in our freezer for eleven years? Why was I not informed?
Homer Simpson, null
"Homer: I promise you kids lots of things. That's what makes me such a good father!
Lisa: Actually, keeping promises would make you a good father.
Homer: No, that would make me a great father.
Homer Simpson, null
"Homer: The sun? That's the hottest place on Earth. " Homer Simpson, null
"Homer: Well, here we are. The whole family. All together, sharing, getting to know each other, exchanging ideas, stories and laughs, snuggling up, bonding together as only a tightly-knit family can. Why, we're more than a...
Bart: Dad, you can stop now. The commercial's over. The show's back on.
Homer: Oh. Oh, yeah.
Homer Simpson, null
"Homer: Good drink...good meat... good God, let's eat!" Homer Simpson, null
"Marge: This should be a time... for communication.
Homer: That's a good idea, dear. Bart, turn on the TV.
Homer Simpson, null
"- Hver gang et barn sier "Jeg tror ikke på tannfeen", er det en liten tannfe et sted som dør. " Trond Waage, barneombud
"in order to liberate the village we had to destroy it" USA, Vietnam, 1966
"Helvete er pastellfarget." Heidi, i en diskusjon
som omhandlet hvorvidt pasteller virkelig bør utryddes (og det bør de).
"If some sissy chick tried to kick my @ss I would say hey, missy, go knit me a sweater before I slap you in the face!" " Cartman, South Park
"Well I looked in my moms closet and saw what I was getting for Christmas, an ultravibe pleasure 2000." " Cartman, South Park
"All right, now let's hear it from someone who isn't a complete retard?" Mr Garrison, South Park, etter at noen ga feil svar på et matte-problem
"Sorry kids, I just can't trust something that bleeds for five days and doesn't die." Mr Garrison, South Park
"Terrance: You're such a pig-fucker, Phillip!
Phillip: Terrance, why would you call me a pig-fucker?
Terrance: Well, let's see. First of all, you fuck pigs.
Phillip: Oh yeah!
Terrance & Phillip, South Park
"Damn, woman! I just gave you sweet loving five minutes ago!" " Chef, South Park
"I haven't seen an Englishman take a blow like that since Hugh Grant!" Frank the sportscaster, South Park
"Oh, I'm through with Mr. Hat. He's a two-timing whore. From now on you'll be learning from Mr.Twig" Mr Garrison, South Park
"No, that's wrong, Cartman. But don't worry, there are no stupid answers, just stupid people" Mr Garrison, South Park
"Let's clear the air. We all know that pigeon was a whore. Raise your hand if you didn't sleep with that pigeon" Mr Garrison, South Park, om Mr Hat
"Be a man Stan. Say, 'Hey woman, you shut your mouth and make babies.'" Cartman, South Park
"Cartman, you're such a fat ass, that when you walk down the street people go "Goddamn it, that's a big fat ass!"" Kyle, South Park
"Cartman: Don't call me fat, you fucking jew!
Mr. Garrison: Eric, did you just say the F-word?
Cartman: Jew?
Kyle: No, he's talking about "fuck". You can't say "fuck" in school, you fucking fat-ass!
Cartman: Why the fuck not?
Mr. Garrison: Eric!
Stan: Dude, you just said "fuck" again!
Mr. Garrison: Stanley!
Kenny: Fuck!
Mr. Garrison: Kenny!
Cartman: What's the big deal? It doesn't hurt anybody. Fuck-fuckety-fuck-fuck-fuck.
Mr. Garrison: How would you like to go see the school councilor?
Cartman: How would you like to suck my balls?
Mr. Garrison: What did you say?
picks up a megaphone
Stan: Holy shit, dude.
Barna i South Park, etter å ha sett for mye på video
"Kyle: Dude, that movie was fucking sweet!
Cartman: You bet your fuckin' ass it was!
Stan: Fuck, dude, I wanna be just like Terrence and Phillip!
Kyle, Cartman og Stan, South Park, rett etter de så Terrance & Phillip-filmen med ekstremt mye stygt språk
"I TOLD YOU I WAS SICK" ukent, på gravsten
"New York...when civilization falls apart, remember, we were way ahead of you.


David Letterman, Late Night Show
"Not over my dead body will they raise your taxes!" George W. Bush, amerikansk president
"Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines" David Letterman, Late Night Show
"This guy owes me bacon now. I mean there's no two ways about it because, I mean, you can't just have eggs without bacon. " Arnold Schwarzenegger, etter å ha blitt truffet av egg fra en demonstrant
"It doesn't make any sense to go through details here with you. What is important is that I cannot remember what was happening 20 years ago and 15 years ago. But some of the things sound like me." Arnold Schwarzenegger, om anklagene om kvinnemishandling
"It rained. After that, it rained. Then it
rained some more. The clouds were stacked like impatient charter flights
over the coast, low on fuel, jockeying for position, and raining. above
all, raining..
Terry Prachett, Terry Prachett, The last continent, beskriver
noe som kunne vært bergensvinteren..
"The antichrist had been on earth for five
hours, and one angel and one demon had been drinking solidly for three of
Terry Prachett, Good Omens (en bok...)
""the point is" said Crowley, "the point is.The point is." He tried to focus on Aziraphaele.
"the point is" he said, and tried to think of a point.
"the point is," he said and brightened. "the point i'm trying to make, is
Terry Prachett, Crowley på fylla med Engelen Aziraphale..
""You know what eternity is? there's this big mountain, see, a mile high, at the end of the universe, and once every thousand years-"
"the same bird every thousand years?" Crowley hesitated
"yeah" he said.
"bloody ancient bird then..."
"OK. and every thousand years this bird flies - "
"-flies all the way to this mountain and sharpens its beak"
"Doesnt matter!"
"it could use a spaceship."
"sure, and then it flies back - "
" - in the space ship"
"and after a thousand years it goes and does it again" said Crowley
There was a moment of drunken silence.
"Seems a lot of trouble to go to, just to sharpen a beak," mused
Terry Prachett, Crowley på fylla med Engelen Aziraphale..
"Trine, hvis du leser dette er det slutt!
ukjent, Skribleri på guttetoalettet
"Everytime I learn something new, it pushes something old out of my brain" Homer, the Simpsons
"What a margiful way to start my Flanderific day!" Flanders, the Simpsons
"It's a good book, but it's so preachy. Everyone's a sinner...except this guy" Homer Simpson, leser i Bibelen
"homer no function beer well without " Homer, the Simpsons
"Det er tydelig et budsjett. Det står mange tall der." George W. Bush, Reuters, 5. mai 2000
"Vel, jeg synes at hvis du sier at du skal gjøre noe, og så ikke gjør det, det er pålitelighet." George W. Bush, CNN online nettprat, 30. august 2000
"Jeg leser ikke ting jeg får overlevert." George W. Bush, The New York TImes, 15.mars 2000
"If we aren't supposed to eat animals, then why are they made out of meat?" Peter Kay, engelsk komiker
"Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one." Bill Gates, null
"Yeah, talk like that so when you’re 18 you can listen to this and hear what a brat you were." Tegan & Sara, null
"Jeg har brukt pengene mine på piken, vin og
sang. Resten har jeg sløst bort...
George Best, Etter avsluttet fotballkarriere får legenden et spørsmål om hvor pengene hans er blitt av.
"I NASA er verdensrommet fremdeles høyt prioritert. " George W. Bush, null
"You can be a teenager for your whole f*cking life just find some pretty sucker and make that b*tch your wife" Kimya Dawson, fra albumet "My Cute Fiend Sweet Princess"

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